We need a network of our own that’s geared toward our desire to avoid and ignore each other, the kind of network that will promote our yearning not to check in with each other and find out what one another is doing; a network that will offer us the option, “subtract as friend.”
I’ve figured out why I’m resistant to Facebook.
It’s not because I’m an aging technophobe, though, up until recently, I thought Blu Ray was the quiet member of the Blue Man Group.
It’s because by nature I’m anti-social:
I don’t want to “share.”
I don’t want to “connect.”
And I definitely don’t want to “share and connect.”
I much prefer to “hoard and sever.”
And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone, for the world’s total population is close to 7 billion, while Facebook has more than 500 million sharing, connecting devotees.
Care to guess how many hoarding, severing individuals can be counted among that number? I’m pretty sure there are a lot more than 500 million, though it’s difficult to say with any certainty because we refuse to connect and share any information about ourselves.
It’s clear to me that all this social networking stuff goes against the rugged individualism that helped forge a great nation. Do you think Lewis and Clark would have taken the time to share high school photos, their opinions on Lady Gaga and interstellar travel? Or their experiences starting their car in real time as they trekked across 8,000 miles of rugged, uncharted wilderness?
I rather think not.
At best, they might have stopped to comment on Lady Gaga, but I’m quite sure it would have been to register disapproval overall, especially in terms of her fashion decisions.
But, all right, perhaps Facebook is here to stay.
My acumen in choosing successful trends is demonstrably poor, having predicted in the past the economic invulnerability of the drive-in theater, the utter inevitability of a McGovern presidential victory and the hopelessness of trying to market bottled water.
I admit to being wrong, though I stand by the logic of my stance on bottled water, which can be summarized as, “Why buy water when you can get it from the tap for free?”
The logic’s flawless, really.
But as regards the Facebook phenomenon, I am simply demanding equal time for my fellow hoarding, severing misanthropes. We need a network of our own that’s geared toward our desire to avoid and ignore each other, the kind of network that will promote our yearning not to check in with each other and find out what one another is doing; a network that will offer us the option, “subtract as friend.”
We need the first anti-social network.
We need an “aboutFacebook.”
And I mean that phrase in the military sense of turning your gaze away 180 degrees, not the I-want-to-learn-more-about-Facebook sense so I can start sharing and connecting with others –– blech.
I believe that a powerful movement in support of the world’s first anti-social network could be formed from among us hoarding, severing types.
If only we had a way to reach other.
Frank Mulligan is an editor in GateHouse Media New England’s Raynham office and can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.