Butler County Times Gazette
  • Lost in Suburbia: One ringy-dingy

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  • By Tracy Beckerman
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    Receptionist: “Dr. Zucker’s office. This is Charlene.”
    Me: “Hi, this is Tracy Beckerman...”
    Receptionist: “I’m sorry, there’s no one here by that name.”
    Me: “No, I’M Tracy Beckerman. You didn’t let me finish.”
    Receptionist: “I don’t understand. Why are you calling for yourself?”
    Me: (Sigh.) “I’m not. I’m calling for Dr. Zucker.”
    Receptionist: “Oh. She’s not here either.”
    Me: “When will she be back in the office?
    Receptionist: “Who?”
    Me: “Dr. Zucker.”
    Receptionist: “Oh, she’s not here right now.”
    Me: “Yeah, Charlene, I got that.”
    Receptionist: “That’s so funny! My name is Charlene, too!”
    Me: (Sigh) “My name isn’t Charlene. It’s Tracy. Tracy Beckerman.”
    Receptionist: “I’m sorry. There’s no one here by that name.”
    Me: “Whatever. Can you just tell me if Dr. Zucker will be back today?”
    Receptionist: “I’m sorry, I can’t give you that information.”
    Me: “Is it confidential?”
    Receptionist: “No. I just don’t know when she’ll be back.”
    Me: “Will she be in tomorrow.”
    Receptionist: “I don’t know. I’m not here tomorrow.”
    Me: “OK, can I leave a message for her?”
    Receptionist: “Who?”
    Me: “Dr. Zucker.”
    Receptionist: “She’s not here right now.”
    Me: “I know. Can you just give her a message?”
    Receptionist: “Of course.”
    Me: “Can you tell her I was calling for the results of my blood work?”
    Receptionist: “Sure. When did you have it done?”
    Me: “Last week.”
    Receptionist. “Got it. And who did the blood test?”
    Me: “Dr. Zucker.”
    Receptionist: “Did you want to speak with her?”
    Me: “Yes.”
    Receptionist: “OK, but she’s not here right now.”
    Me: “I know.”
    Receptionist: “Would you like me to leave her a message?”
    Me: “Yes, please.”
    Receptionist: “OK. Who did you say is calling?
    Me: “Tracy Beckerman.”
    Receptionist: “I’m sorry, there’s no one here by that name.”
    Follow Tracy on Twitter at @TracyinSuburbia.
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