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by Garon Cockrell
You May Not Kiss The Bride DVD Review
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Included in the opening credits for You May Not Kiss The Bride is this: “A film by Rob Hedden &

Friends.” That addition of “& Friends” immediately makes me warm to this

film. You May Not Kiss The Bride is

an odd (and sometimes endearing) combination of slapstick, romantic comedy,

action film, and gangster picture.








Bryan (Dave Annable) works as a pet photographer, and in

the first scene he is trying to get two dogs to smile for a joke wedding photo.

His assistant, Tonya (Mena Suvari), asks the animals’ owners how long the dogs

have been dating. She says, “I know you

have to multiply it by seven or something, but I’m just trying to get an idea

of how long to go out with somebody before tying the knot
.” And that’s the

first laugh-out-loud moment for me.








Mena Suvari is wonderful as the quirky assistant who suddenly

reveals that she is attracted to Bryan, telling him, “If I moved in with you, I’d never be late to work.” He suggests she

purchase an alarm clock.








Meanwhile a Croatian gangster (Ken Davitian) is

attempting to bribe two INS agents to expedite his daughter’s citizenship. They

turn down his offer of $10,000, and warn him they will now be keeping a closer

eye on his daughter. So he needs to find another way to facilitate her

citizenship.








There is some stuff that is ridiculous and doesn’t quite work,

like an early scene of a client’s dog chasing another client’s cat. Though it

then turns out that the gangster is husband to the woman with the cat, so he

has Bryan kidnaped and brought to his restaurant, where he gives him this

ultimatum: Bryan must marry his daughter so she can become a citizen. It will

be for only a year, after which she’s going to marry Brick (Vinnie Jones), one

of his goons, who is the jealous type (uh-oh).








Bryan meets Masha (Katharine McPhee), the woman he is to

marry, and of course she’s beautiful. Will he fall for her, and risk the wrath

of Brick and Masha’s father? What do you think? They go on their honeymoon, for

the sake of appearances, but Bryan is warned not to lay a finger on her.








By the way, most of this film was shot in Hawaii, and the

locations are gorgeous.  Of course, both

Brick and Tonya show up for their honeymoon, to complicate things. And then

Masha is kidnaped, and Bryan has to rescue her. 

I have to admit, I totally got caught up in the rescue scenes. Though

I’m still not sure how they landed on a rock cliff by the ocean after sliding

down a hill in the jungle. Ah, the magic of editing.








Rob Schneider shows up as a nutty tour guide to let us

know not to take this film at all seriously. When he gets them to their hotel, Masha

cleans herself in a nearby fountain in slow motion, and I’m reminded of that

great scene from L.A. Story where

Steve Martin hits the “Slo-Mo” knob on his shower.








Kathy Bates is great as Bryan’s mom. She’s hilarious in

the scene where Bryan tells her that he’s being forced to marry this woman. She

asks, “Do you love her?” and “Is she old enough to bear children?” But

she isn’t given enough to do. All of her scenes are on the phone with Bryan, and

she basically does the same shtick in each scene. So soon her sex talk with her

son gets a little old. By the way, the wonderful Stephen Tobolowsky makes an appearance

as a plumber at Kathy Bates’ house, but for just a moment. He is in only two

scenes and barely says a word. His character, sadly, is completely pointless.








There are some moments that don’t quite work, or aren’t

believable. For example, Tonya surprises Bryan in his apartment dressed in a

sexy cat outfit. She says she’ll let him pose her and take pictures. There’s no

way he could turn that down. But that’s just what he does. I find that

basically impossible to believe. Sure, her character is insane, but she’s

already on his bed and dressed as a cat.








Later, on the honeymoon, Bryan takes photos of Masha on

the beach. He then puts his camera down on the sand without putting the lens

cap back on, which I just don’t believe. He’s a professional photographer.

There is no way he would risk damaging his expensive camera that way. And then

the bit about him being so worried about his nudity is rather lame, and is

something we’ve seen many, many times.








But as I said there is a lot to like about this film.

Both leads do a good job. I really like Katharine McPhee’s portrayal of Masha,

as she doesn’t play her as helpless, or ignorant or an idiot. This is a woman

who knows the score. And anyway it’s not a film that demands to be taken

seriously.








Special Features








This DVD has two bonus features. The first is a

nine-and-a-half-minute interview with Mena Suvari. Sadly, it’s a total fluff

piece, in which she answers such probing questions as “What were the best parts

about shooting on location?” and “What was your favorite scene?” and “What’s

your opinion on doing a comedy?” She doesn’t come off very well, mainly because

she really doesn’t say anything.








The other bonus feature is the film’s trailer.








You May Not Kiss

The Bride
was written and directed by Rob Hedden, who also wrote and directed Friday The 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan.








You May Not Kiss

The Bride
is scheduled to be released on February 5, 2013 through

Freestyle Digital Media.










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