Butler County Times Gazette
Tracy Beckerman is Lost in Suburbia and trying to hold onto just a little bit of her former, COOL, pre-mom self!
Not Quite Dead but Almost Buried
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About this blog
Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is \x34Lost in Suburbia\x34 managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a \x34momoir,\x34 will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites, ...
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Family Humor
Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is Lost in Suburbia managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a momoir, will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites, including www.todaysmama.com, www.rolemommy.com and www.newjerseymomsblog.com and is an official blogger for Lifetime Television's hit show, The Balancing Act. She also does stand-up comedy and has appeared at venues including The Comic Strip Live in NYC and The Erma Bombeck Workshop in Dayton, Ohio. Before she became a columnist, Beckerman was a writer and producer in the television industry for 10 years, managing the advertising & promotion department at WCBS-TV New York. Tracy is married to a very understanding guy. They have two children and live in New Jersey where she writes, does battle with woodchucks and avoids, at all costs, driving a minivan.
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By lostinsuburbiablog
Nov. 27, 2012 12:01 a.m.

Hello?
Hi, Mrs. Berkerman?
Its Beckerman.
Oh. I have Berkerman here. Must be a mistake.
Can I help you?
Yes, Im thrilled to tell you that youve won a free upgrade on your final resting place.
Excuse me?
You purchased a plot in a section of our cemetery called Heavens Gate which is close to the road and we have upgraded you to a section of the cemetery called Rainbows End next to a babbling brook.
I dont own a cemetery plot.
Well, maybe your husband bought it for you.
I cant even get him to buy me flowers for my birthday. I dont think he bought me a cemetery plot.
It says right here that the plot is in the name of Tracy Berkerman.
Im not Tracy Berkerman. Im Tracy Beckerman.
Must be a typo.
I dont think so.
Well, Rainbows End is a lovely location for a final resting place. Its much nicer to be next to the brook than the road.
If Im dead, why would it matter to me if Im next to the road or next to the babbling brook?
Its nicer for the loved ones who visit you.
Who, the Berkermans?
Huh?
Cuz I dont think they would really care if they are visiting me next to a road or next to a brook if Im not the person who is supposed to be buried there.
Who is supposed to be buried there?
Apparently someone named Tracy Berkerman.
Isnt that you?
No. And I dont own a plot in Heavens Gate next to a road in your cemetery or any other cemetery.
Well, you really should think about purchasing one. You dont want to leave that decision to your grieving relatives. We actually have some lovely plots available at very reasonable prices.
How much?
Starting at $4500.
Wow! Good thing then that I already own one. You know, me Tracy Berkerman.
I thought you said it wasnt you.
Ill take that secret to the grave.
2012, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
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