Some people think I am running for President simply because I announced that I was several weeks ago across a myriad of newspapers and websites and on a newly created Facebook page. (www.facebook.com/KentWBush2012)
I don’t feel like I am running at all.
The will of the people is pulling me toward the White House. I can honestly say the support for my campaign has increased 100 fold since I announced my intention to seek the high office.
You hear a lot on the campaign trail. For instance I heard a rumor that I am forcing my employees to play “Hail to the Chief” every time I walk into the office.
That is simply not true. I never made them do anything.
I think they must just like the song. It’s like Auld Lang Syne – a catchy tune with to which no one really knows the words.
Some things you don’t hear on the campaign trail but you know they are there anyway. That is why I am announcing that I am willing to produce my birth certificate and tax returns.
GOP Candidate Mitt Romney, the FOX News gang and 89.6 percent of the hosts on AM radio have to have questions about my birth certificate. They tried to get Secretary of State Kris Kobach to keep President Barack Obama off of the Kansas ballot and now they will set their sites on me.
Admittedly, I was born in Oklahoma. They don’t do “long form” birth certificates. In Oklahoma, the policy is always, “Never ask too many questions.”
Now the FOX News “fact” checkers remembered something about Oklahoma actually being called Indian Territory and not being a part of the United States. Thankfully, Oklahoma officially became a state in 1907. I was not born until 1970.
Fact checking at the television news desk isn’t what it used to be. I can also send copies to both Donald Trump and Sheriff Joe Arpaio for their independent verification and analysis.
You can never be too careful.
My running mate will have more trouble producing his certificate of live birth although we have been assured that he was born alive. He was born in Minnesota.
According to an obscure Nordic custom, his birth certificate isn’t made official until he consumes an entire serving of lutefisk. I’m sure if it becomes necessary he will don his Viking hat and choke down a few ounces of fish soaked in lye. I just hope it doesn’t come to that.
Apparently, there was also a question of my heritage since I have a son who was not born in America.
Page 2 of 2 - I was. He wasn’t.
But the line of succession is not like the one used for the British royal family so my son’s heritage would not compromise my campaign.
Due to rumblings from the left, I would also be willing to release all of my tax returns. You know the Obama camp and that lamestream media wanted to see those returns. The main question that will arise from viewing my tax returns is how many times per week my family eats Ramen noodles. I refuse to release that information and we will end this discussion if anyone asks another question about it.
I have a long history of hard work for low pay. My parents taught me early on that no one gives you money. If you want more money, you work harder. When I was eight, I worked for my father’s janitorial business taking out trash and cleaning ashtrays. It was a different era.
But now I am ready to take out the trash that is known as the Electoral College.
The Electoral College was designed to prevent an overwhelming national government. Its design is allegedly to maintain power for the states.
If that were true, would it really be mathematically possible to win only 12 states and become President? It is currently.
This is an antiquated design that sounded good to states with small populations more than 200 years ago. It was the worst idea included in the constitution that has yet to be amended out.
Doing away with the Electoral College is a perfect way to even the playing field and weigh the votes of every American equally.
Writing me in as your choice for President may not make a difference on Nov. 6, but it may be that tiny motion whose butterfly effect creates a hurricane of change in the near future.
Kent Bush is the Augusta Gazette Publisher, a columnist and blogger for the GateHouse Media Network. He can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.