T-ball is a version of baseball for really little kids. The ball they use is squishy and they don’t pitch it to the kid batting. Instead, they put it on a big plastic golf tee-looking thing. That’s so the kid swinging the bat can’t miss. Which is how our legislative delegation came together and got some color choices for the Braga Bridge repainting project.

T-ball is a version of baseball for really little kids. The ball they use is squishy and they don’t pitch it to the kid batting. Instead, they put it on a big plastic golf tee-looking thing. That’s so the kid swinging the bat can’t miss.

This is good. It lets little kids play a sport, makes it easy so the kids don’t get humiliated because they can’t hit the ball.

Which is how our legislative delegation came together and got some color choices for the Braga Bridge repainting project.

We want cops and firefighters. We want sane taxes and a sane budget. We want help with an educational system that has the death rattle in its throat. We want jobs. We want roads and bridges.

While we want these things, our seldom-seen legislative delegation is in Boston, swearing their loyalty to the former speaker of the House who’s a half-step away from 10 years in the Gray Bar Motel.  

But when we need something trivial, something easy, the boys and girls we send to Boston tee it up for a little T-ball and smack that bad boy Braga Bridge issue right out of the park.

We don’t know what color people will pick, but there’s a couple polls on a couple Web sites; polls you can vote in 500 times, to guarantee that the voice of the trivia-obsessed loon will be heard 500 times. And if you live in Lonesome Pony, Neb., and you stumble across these polls online, you can vote, too, making the results even MORE meaningless.

“Mill brick red,” the choice of the truly over-involved, didn’t make the cut, which is, we’ll soon be told, a slap in the face to Fall River’s proud history of red brick mills.

If you want the bridge to look like Fall River, paint it granite gray or cover it in vinyl siding. You could get a crew of illegal immigrants to side the bridge for $6 an hour and, when it got dirty, you could just hose it off.

If you want the Braga painted something other than the familiar green, aren’t you the one who is against Fall River tradition?

The bridge has been green since 1965. How many people have driven over the Braga and, seeing the familiar green girders, realized they were home? How many returning soldiers wiped a tear from their battle-hardened cheeks as they fell into the bridge’s welcoming green embrace?

See, anybody can write that kind of meaningless, over-hyped crap.

You only get the chance to paint the Braga Bridge once in a generation or so.

On the other hand, you get the chance to fund education properly every year. You get a crack at bringing industry to Fall River every day. You get a chance at picking up my trash on time every single week. Mayuh Correia and his cynical legislative homies figure you can hide anything under a coat of paint.

Meanwhile, state government says, “Hey, if those hillbillies want us to paint it blue, we’ll paint it blue. It won’t cost us an extra dime and it’ll help all of our buddies down there get re-elected.”

And you’d think that Mayuh Correia would be smart enough (or committed enough) to tell the delegation not to bother, that Fall River has more serious needs. Well, you’d think that if you’d never met Bob Correia.

Wait a few weeks and you’ll hear this described as a “victory for Fall River.” Joan Menard may even be the first to use this as an example of how she “fights for you,” although the rest of ‘em won’t be far behind. Hell, if I’d been smart enough to write a column about how Fall River “deserves” a blue bridge, I could be telling you how I “fought for Fall River.”

And if Menard or any other pol actually gets the bridge painted “mill brick red,” that won’t just be a victory, that’ll be Custer whipping the Indians, the biggest victory ever won for Fall River by any politician in the whole history of the whole world.

The state income tax rate, by the way, will remain the same until further notice, as will the new sales tax. Condescension is still free, in fact, they practically force it on you.

Anybody for a quick game of T-ball? We’ll play in the street until the trash truck comes.

Game on!

The Herald News