After the publication of a recent report a chant went up across this great nation.
"We're No. 2! We're No. 2!"
Sometimes winning isn't all it's cracked up to be. We finally lost where it counts.
Australia finally took the crown as the world's fattest country from us.
It couldn't have been easy. We put up a valiant fight.
The report - titillatingly titled "Australia's Future Fat Bomb - showed that about 43 percent of the Aussies were obese or overweight.
"As we send our athletes off to the Olympics let's reflect on the fact that we would win the gold medal problem now in the world fat Olympics if there was such a thing," said Simon Stewart, the head of the continent's preventative cardiology department.
Now he's just bragging.
But seriously, if you ever wondered why someone might prefer a private medical system to the state-run model employed down under, you only have to see the answers proposed to solve this weighty problem.
In order to prevent overcrowding due to fat people and their health problems, the health ministry is considering government subsidies for gym memberships and personal training sessions. Don't look for tax cuts anytime soon.
Others have suggested prioritizing hospital waiting lists on the basis of weight loss. Of course the idea is insane on it own merits.
But look behind the absurdity to the real problem.
They have hospital waiting lists.
They are worried the obese Aussies will further overwhelm the system.
There is a definite health detriment to obesity.
But doing a little work on the health system wouldn't be a bad idea either.
Rock, paper, scissors. shoot!
For those of you who don't keep up with the sports scene, the Rock Paper Scissors world championships will be contested this weekend in Las Vegas.
The schoolyard game of chance has developed a minor cult following in bars and hotel lounges across the country.
The Houston winner was recently interviewed by the Houston Chronicle. He was asked about his chances to bring a championship home to the Lone Star State.
"I say I don't have a strategy, but I think I just pretty much wonder if the other person would be willing to throw the same sign out again," Juan Sanz told the newspaper.
"Part of me thinks it's chance."
Part of him?
Since my four year old son has just as much chance to win this weekend as Houston's shining star, I'd say more than part of it is due to chance.
I'm sure it is a fine way for a casino to drum up some publicity while the major sports seasons are in their summer swoon.
But I have to admit, watching a grown man take the stage wearing a "throwing glove" because he believes it intimidates other competitors crosses the line for me.
It goes from entertainment to idiocy.
Maybe these people really are crazy. Or maybe I just hate losing to a four-year old.